I was given a blog address by a friend and co-worker of mine, Krista. I have been compelled to read it daily ever since. It is audreycaroline.blogspot.com and it is an amazing, inspirational read. Tonight, as the kids were outside playing and Cae and I were sitting inside, I was reading it and became so emotionally overwhelmed. It was like God was speaking to me saying, "Trust Me, You will get through this". In brief, the blog is written by a then pregnant mom with a special needs baby growing inside of her. They were given the option to abort early on but knew that was not the route that God had intended for their little girl. The blog spoke of her journey and struggle with why God would allow this to happen and why he chose their family to be part of this little baby's short life. It is such a powerful read. Should you choose to read it, have a lot of tissue handy. I only hope and pray to have as much peace with Caedyn's diagnosis as this mom had for her baby. I can relate to her story of pleading with God to heal her daughter and allow her to live a healthy life, I understand her frustration with God's plan and how it doesn't always go the way WE hope it will and finally,I, like her, believe that hard situations can only make us stronger. Here is a tiny excerpt:
In the middle of the night, I heard the voice of God.
It was one of the very few times that I felt like He was audibly speaking to me. I sat up straight in my bed.
Thoughts rushed through my mind like a slideshow at a speed I could not control. I was reminded of the pilot's voice, the thermometer that read in celsius, the storm clouds, the political wars...all of it, like a movie, and then just a few words.
"It takes a lot of rain to make grass this green."
I started crying like a child. In a foreign country, in the middle of the night, in the midst of facing my greatest fears, God taught me a lesson about life that has (I promised to tell you!) inspired the name of this blog.
In the span of a few minutes, I committed to God that I would stop praying for sunshine and start welcoming whatever made the soil rich.
And so, a year later, here I sit. Many of you have asked how I am so strong. The answer is that I am not strong, but my God is, and He is in battle for me. My end of the deal is held up by praising the One who has chosen me to walk this. And I do.
As for my little Prophetess, Abby? Her words drifted back to me as I cried that night, and they bring tears to me now.
He will show you a rainbow.
It occurred to me that He had chosen this metaphor before, long ago, with a man named Noah, and He has, for generations, made good on that promise.
As I recall, Noah wasn't afraid of a little rain either...
Please praise Him with me in this moment. Praise Him for being the same God who inspired Noah to hope and to build. Praise Him for loving us enough to grow a garden with our lives, no matter how much it hurts.
Even though we had a minor seizure set-back last week, we have had a good week. We are in the process of the dreaded medicine wean and doing well so far. I need your prayers as my anxiety is through the roof. I am reminded numerous times throughout the day that I am not the one in control of what transpires with Caedyn's diagnosis. God is in control and He has a plan for all of us, even if it does include a little rain.