Friday, March 19, 2010

Opened Doors

We have been episode free for a week now and boy does it feel good. I also feel as though I am jinxing myself by saying anything. Kind of like at the office when the phones are quiet, we have learned to never say, "wow, the phones are quiet today" because inevitably, they start to ring off the hook. So, I say the first statement with much hesitation but I am so thankful.

We aren't sleeping real well these nights, especially with Daddy gone. I think Caedyn can sense when I am tense and aprehensive about the evenings alone. However, we have not really been alone. I am so very grateful that Grandma Kreuze has spent nearly every night this week with us sleeping on a bed in the living room. Just having the extra adult there puts my mind at somewhat of an ease. The boys have loved having the extra "grandparent time" as well.
Jeff and I have talked some about him finding another job that keeps him closer to home. While I know that we shouldn't rearrange our lifestyles because of Caedyn's needs, I really feel like I need our family together. His construction business was so busy at first after he was laid off but in the last few months the calls for work have pretty much ceased. I have always had faith that God will provide for our family, allow us to keep the bills current and the mortgage paid, but it is so hard to remain faithful when unemployment is much less than you are used to. So, the opportunity for him to work with this transport company seemed like a good idea. We could make all our ends meet and then some. However, from the get-go I had much reservation about him being gone so often at such a crucial time in the kids lives. Plus, selfishly, I had grown to love having the extra hand and wonderful dinner on the table after a long day at work. Now, since our life changing event, it is not so much for selfish reasons that I want him home but simply because I need him and our kids need him home. I struggle with asking so much of him because I know how much he wants to support his family and having no job can make him feel like a failure. I hope he knows that I never have thought of him in that way. I ask that you continue to pray for our family and pray that a job opens up for Jeff that will keep him closer to our family throughout the week. I am still very faithful that God will provide and where one door closes, another opens!

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